Favourite Australian saying: “have a good one”. Have a good what? We’ll never tell. You’ll never know Australian secrets.
who’s gonna take the 82 hour trip down to no where land to tell these people half the english speaking world uses their apparently exclusive phrases
My only regret is that "
I didn’t tell enough people
to fuck off.
“A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side,
A little bit of Rita is all I need,
A little bit of Tina is what I see,
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long,
A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”
If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me.
You know you sang it in your head.
hella sang it
- me: *touches my face*
- me: *eats constant junk food*
- me: *doesn't get sun*
- me: *doesn't get enough sleep*
- me: i don't get it why am i breaking out
OH MY GOD
There is no greater Guardians/Parks & Rec gif mashup than this.
but seriously it makes me so uncomfortable when people say things like this when they really have no business
don’t do it. dont make humorous references to drugs or addiction when you have not experienced those things. at best it’s embarrassing and at worst you are really being an asshole, so stop
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
7 million people in the earth. 0 messages in my Inbox
in the earth
Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it."